Personal Notes Series 005 : Struggles of a High Risk Trader

Money is the root of all evil they say. 
But it is not. For Money is neutral. 
It is the Love of Money that is the root of all evil.

A few days ago a friend and I were walking along the street and we saw this 50 peso bill that was within our reach. "Uy may 50 pesos oh!" But we continued walking and let the bill get blown by the wind. We laughed. 

That moment made me realize how much I have changed and how much has been provided for me - to the point that it felt like I was drowning in divine provision. God wasn't joking when He said... 

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it."

"What are you going to do with all that money zee?" I was, and I still am in deep thought on the matter. Yes it is a blessing. But it also has become a burden.

"To whom much is given, much is also required."

And so I constantly seek wisdom as to how I will become a good steward of my talents and this resource.

I got to chat with my friends and they talk about their problems about how they're not being treated well at work, their struggles of not being able to save or just not having enough by the end of the day.

I see some people working and giving to charity and how a lot of the poor say they need money and all these resources so they could finally get out of poverty.

I wish I could help. And I wish money was the key to solve all these problems. But it isn't.

Even if you give away a million in cash, the poor will stay poor unless they change their way of thinking. And a trader or investor will constantly lose money if their mindsets in trading or investing is wrong.

I remember giving good amounts of cash to a few people when they needed help. And sadly, my giving turned out to be a curse to them. Because after a period of time, they became dependent. I might have destroyed their lives. I hope not. And so I have learned when to give and when to withhold.

Sometimes I feel so helpless and weak. You have what they want. But you can't give it to them. 
And not everyone wants your idea of help. Even if they need it.

If you genuinely want to help people, you have to help them change their mindsets. 

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This week has been hard on me. Melancholy has hit me out of nowhere. Maybe I've spent too much time with myself that I got to reflect a lot about life.

Trading is my passion. But it has become boring for me. Like that feeling of completing and being the strongest character in a game where all the creeps are killed with a single blow. At some point all the fun is gone.

(I do hope I don't become bald)

The year is just starting and I've already reached my quota for 2016. 
My trading port is now 1.7M+ bigger and there's still 11 months.


And all this money I have has probably desensitized me from my simple pleasures like food, gadgets and cute stuff. Have my standards raised without me noticing it? I live a pretty simple life as opposed to what a lot of you might think. But the things I considered special have now become normal to me. If I wanted something, I'd just say "Isang Tsupita lang yan." Oh the arrogance.

I have carefully evaluated myself and understand the need for me to exercise restraint and for me to once again connect and relate with civilians. My contact with other humans has become too minimal this month. And being ZF has put me in an awfully weird position. People expect me to do things and act a certain way. I simply want to be an anonymous troll enlightening people to the truth and exposing bullshit when needed. And I am not some cold hearted Klingon warrior that feels nothing - I have feelings too.

Gaining insights from the wisest man who walked the earth in the book of Ecclesiastes has pushed a lot of my buttons these days. I felt like the dude was my best friend for a moment. 

"Life is meaningless."

Indeed it is, if you are without purpose. 

Yes. Money can buy a lot of things, but It certainly can't buy lasting happiness and contentment - even if you do honorable things like give all your money to the poor or do good works. For There's a constant void in everyone of us...

And only God can fill it.