ZFT PCC : Arthur Pendragon

I am procrastinating at the moment, couldn’t write anything for the technical report I’m supposed to finish in three days. I decided to write this hoping that other people will somehow benefit and take something from my experience.

This was my port three weeks ago:

A red port and stressful work is never a good combination. Most will ask how I ended up so deep in shit. My mentors would disavow me for it seems like I never learned a thing.

Having the time to reflect I’ve divided this post into stages.

Stage 1 – Denial

One critical factor is the denial stage. The refusal to accept you made a mistake will inevitably result to not wanting to cut your losses quickly. I reverted back to what I was before the ZF program. When you are so deep in shit, you just --- you just can’t get out of it.

Classic “ipit” situation.

I relied on hope again instead of thinking straight and use what I learned. This is like you being Pandora, holding a box with nothing but hope in it. The period that one is still hoping that things will turnaround eventually is what denial is all about.

You cannot blame me – after all to hope is human for man is an animal with a sense of the future, a being in quest of reality. Threatened by fear and encouraged by hope, as he reaches beyond himself for that which is yet to come.

Let me stop you right there as you might get the wrong idea, hoping maybe in human’s nature but the same way you wouldn’t mix Mentos® mints with a bottle full of Coca-Cola® you DON’T mix hope and trading in one sentence. (which I just did but pay no attention to that). They just won’t go well together.

Stage 2 – Seeking Guidance Comfort

In this instance, I felt so hopeless and so frustrated that I wanted to quit trading there and then. I needed to talk to someone. I looked for some guidance. From someone who wouldn’t say “kaya mo yan” or “makakabawi ka din” or “maliit lang yang loss na yan”.

Celeste in this post (https://rootingforceleste.com/2016/04/26/scribe-chronicles-ism/) took the words out of my mouth:

 “The resonance of comfort only echoes when the voice knows what it says. It will only reach the pit if it understood the depth of the distress in the first place.”

ZF didn’t even attempt to stop me. BUT…

Kap on the other hand said this:

Did you notice what both of them said? Aside from both didn’t say “makakabawi ka din”.

Study and invest more time.

Review that trade.

Reflect and learn from it.

No, I wasn’t looking for those phrases either. In reality, I was just looking for comfort. 

So I ate ice cream. I walked the dogs. I took in the form of an Awoken and killed some Vex and Fallen in Venus in some form of release of my frustrations.

Having a routine to de-stress is imperative.

Stage 3 - Acceptance

Everyone knows the tribe has strict cut loss limits. There are rules. The mentors never failed to remind us, as they both kept on reiterating the same phrases: follow rules and exercise discipline.

I know for a fact that I did not follow the rules and that I lacked discipline on these trades. If I did, why the hell am I writing this piece?

So I have now accepted that I made a mistake. It was on me. Not on the mentors, not on the system.

It still took me approximately two weeks to finally cut all those losses. It was the Purge all over again.

By this time, these phrases in Stage 3 (Study and invest more time. Review that trade. Reflect and learn from it.) make more sense now.

So nope, I didn’t raise the white flag. The fight goes on as they say.

Stage 4 – Aftermath

I was supposed to lay low for a bit and take a breather from the market after those successive bad trades. But I am as stubborn as a mule so I still traded and dug myself deeper and deeper. I won some trades but I incurred bigger losses.

It is important to take a step back every now and then. It gives you a wider perspective on things around you. 

I guess for some divine intervention my day job forced me to go into a sabbatical leave from the market. Mind you, it was hard when the village runs on solar power and someone forgot to buy petrol for the generator. Nonetheless I managed, I had time to reflect and revisit my trades.

After such reflection one thing is clear I need to control my emotions. One very easy thing to say yet so difficult to do.

Tame your emotions or it may be the cause of your downfall.

Epilogue

Today 18^th of May, after almost a month of incurring losses, Ms. Market seemed to be in a good mood and welcomed me back with arms wide open. I just wish it was really an all-in.

Emotion check: My smile is still from ear to ear BUT not overflowing with joy.

I still need to work on my emotions and so should you.

One step at a time. We’ll eventually get there.

- Arthur Pendragon
(Eques ZFT Batch VII)