Personal Notes Series 014 : Of Something and Nothing

2017

Ahhh.. It's been such a year and so many things happened that I feel like my mind is still in such dissarray.

I've always wanted to travel and see the world when I was younger. I still do. And this year, I've dedicated most of my days travelling - you know, spending a week or two in one place and try to experience the place and culture as a local. I guess one of the best things you'd gain from the experience aside from the scenic views and great food, is a deeper understanding of humanity and your place in this world. 

Maybe you've noticed ZF isn't the usual ZF that he is anymore when he started. Well, to tell you honestly, I've been starting to feel burnt out.

Before when someone messages in the ZF page asking for help, I'd normally come to their rescue and give a friendly reply. Now, there's a 70% chance I'd scold the person or give cold replies. Am I getting too old for this?

One time, me and Celeste were talking about how our favorite TAP and other groups have been leading newbloods astray with their so called "trading systems." 

"Okay lang yan. We need a diversified market. The more ignorant traders there are, the more money for us." I replied. Have I turned bad? I remember this statement from Two-face in Dark Knight : 

Have I become a Villain? 

Thinking about it now, I guess I've neglected my inner child and forgot to have more fun than I should - releasing all my worries and not giving a single care in the world. Maybe I've taken more responsibility than I should and could handle? I don't know.

I would like to thank Rooting For Celeste for keeping my emotional health in check. If it weren't for you, I'd probably act like some old bitter fool ranting all the time.

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This season, where our Filipino culture dictates that families spend time together, I decide to be alone. It's my first time to break tradition. I think I've experienced a glimpse of how OFWs feel being all alone working their assess off during this time of the year, in a foreign country for the sake of their family and loved ones. My heart aches for you people.

Nakakamiss din pala yung mga nakakainis na walang kamatayang tanong at statements ng mga aunties at uncles like : 

"Saan ka na connected ngayon?"

"May Girlfriend ka na?"

"Kelan ka ikakasal?"

"Tumaba ka yata?"

Kakaakward. Kakainis. Pero Kakamiss.

And you know what I've realized?

In order to fully appreciate something, you must first know what it's like to have nothing. And if you have it? Lose it. Then get it back all over again. Because even with all the money, recognition and authority I have, It still won't beat being with the people I love.